I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
