Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
