I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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