Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
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