please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
