i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
