What a fucking waste of an outfit
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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