I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Randomize
