You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
