My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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