I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
