she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
