drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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