yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
