it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
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