your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
