How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
