she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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