That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
