i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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