so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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