So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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