he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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