Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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