I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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