Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
i now understand why vodka
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
