Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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