i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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