so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
