first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Bring me that man meat
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
