why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
