Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
