Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
