she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
