Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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