Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
