i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
