Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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