Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
