Someone shit on the floor
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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