we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
