He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
