My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
