i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
