Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
