Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I think I won the penis lottery.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
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