I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I deserve to be covered in dicks
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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