Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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