There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
