My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Randomize
