just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
