Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
