Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Every concussion has its silver lining
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
