Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
