Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
We got so high we made milksteak
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
