evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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