just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
