I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
